This week has been extremely stressful for me! I wanted to write in my blog but every time the words came to me I was on the train or walking, and by the time I got home all those wonderful thoughts slipped away. Of course this blog is going to focus on Chris. Let's see when my blogs don't :) My heart yearns for him and my mind is stuck on him. I watch the TUDORS SOOOO MUCH because it is one of the only things that actually keeps my mind off of him.
This is actually a FOLLOW UP TO THE ORIGINAL WRITING THAT I WILL LEAVE UP!
Since I last blogged, A whole lot has changed in ME :) For the better because progress is always KEY!
So I was applying for the TORRID HOUSE OF DREAMS CONTEST and one of my really great friends was in town (KIMMY); and Jenny Pooh was leaving in a few days so life was HECTIC. Kim and I went to Happy Endings in the L.E.S. to just celebrate her essence :) with a bunch of her friends which in turn became mine :) I got HELL OF DRUNK and I needed to run to TORRID on Sunday to submit my photos for the contest. What ended up happening was earlier that Saturday before I went out with Kim - I received a text message from CHRIS whom I have not heard from in about two months. He texted me mentioning he was passing by my building and thought of me. MEN !!!
I cried and got wasted.
Sunday, Jenn came over to help me take some photos for another contest as well as accompany me to Torrid in White Plains. Chris works in the TARGET there and I just didn't want to go there alone. So off I went, HUNG OVER!!! What ended up happening was while I was in Target looking for a portfolio for my photos I bumped into an old college friend and we chatted for a while. I thought of contacting Chris to see him but I did not, I decided to leave it to FATE! Right before I decided to leave Target I was feeling that nauseated feeling in my belly so I stopped to go to the restroom.
As FATE would have it as I was walking out of the bathroom looking for Jenn so we could leave CHRIS is turning one corner and we literally and I AM DEAD SERIOUS... BUMPED INTO EACH OTHER!!! MY HEART POUNDED LIKE IT NEVER POUNDED BEFORE!!!
Isn't it CRAZY how the Universe works??
Chris acted like a TOTAL JERK at first said hello and then as we parted ways he was walking in the same direction to leave of course and he caught up to me and we began to chat. I hadn't realized how STRONG I HAVE BECOME IN THESE PAST FEW MONTHS!!! THIS WAS THE TEST !!! I PASSED WITH FLYING COLORS!!
Chris basically started to flirt with me and eventually we began talking. 2 DAYS LATER... I was lying in my bed just thinking about the chain of events and my lips began to reach toward ears in this releasing SMILE... This smile of gratitude and My heart felt light as if a weight had been lifted.
I have come to realize that 1. I love CHRIS... but HE WILL NOT CHANGE... he is with someone else trying to still flirt with me (basically get in my pantes again!!!) I deserve better.. and it wasn't me...
2. I don't NEED HIM! I love me more and who wants to end up with someone that you can't TRUST.
I told him in one of our emails that I have set him FREE and That we are where we belong as FRIENDS. His Response: " You know that is NOT WHERE WE BELONG!"
So my question is where do we belong ... it seems like an out of sight out of mind thing... I can honestly SAY and WRITE This... I am FINALLY OVER IT... I have let go of the PAIN AND NOW I am moving on with my JOURNEY TO THE NEXT ACCOMPLISHMENT...
GRADUATE SCHOOL... COLUMBIA AND BARUCH.... WHICH ONE WILL IT BE??!!!!
XOXO
DAFABKRIS
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