Misery Loves Company! I am so aware of this. I tend to fall into this trap all the time.
This week has been a nightmare: I have been sad, lonely, confused, angry, resentful with myself.
I try to keep it positive but I find that to be the hardest thing... STAYING POSITIVE! I listen to soooo many things to try and keep my hopes up and you know what I am my main problem. This Journey is TOUGH! I fall back into holes that I have been trying to fill since the beginning of time. Instead of just leaping over it and keeping it moving, I see it and fall right in. I need to FORGIVE MYSELF. FORGIVE MY PAST and PROGRESS with the FUTURE.
So I cut Matthew off!! Is that CRAZY? I knew from the very beginning that I did not want him.
Honestly I should be alone for the moment. This is a Journey best taken Independently!
Jillian said something to me yesterday and it hurt but it was TRUE - BC THE TRUTH TENDS TO HURT!!! - she said, "Kristina you constantly need someone up your A$$ and the moment you are left alone for 2 seconds you freak out and think NOONE wants you, like you are worthless!!! - You need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else!!!"
How TRUE IS THAT ? The need to be happy?!
So I cut off Matt and i went chasing some other dudes, when I already know that is not what I want!
What I want is to find my passion, to live and have the time of my life. FIND A MAN that will be my HUSBAND not just some around the way boy! I have big goals and HUGE DREAMS, so it is time to start FORGIVING and BEGIN MOVING AND SHAKING in the RIGHT DIRECTION!!
RELEASING LOVE AND FORGIVENESS INTO THE UNIVERSE!!!
XOXO
DAFABKRIS
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