THOUGHTS ARE POWERFUL

This week has been extremely stressful for me! I wanted to write in my blog but every time the words came to me I was on the train or walking, and by the time I got home all those wonderful thoughts slipped away. Of course this blog is going to focus on Chris. Let's see when my blogs don't :) My heart yearns for him and my mind is stuck on him. I watch the TUDORS SOOOO MUCH because it is one of the only things that actually keeps my mind off of him.

This is actually a FOLLOW UP TO THE ORIGINAL WRITING THAT I WILL LEAVE UP!

Since I last blogged, A whole lot has changed in ME :) For the better because progress is always KEY!
So I was applying for the TORRID HOUSE OF DREAMS CONTEST and one of my really great friends was in town (KIMMY); and Jenny Pooh was leaving in a few days so life was HECTIC. Kim and I went to Happy Endings in the L.E.S. to just celebrate her essence :) with a bunch of her friends which in turn became mine :) I got HELL OF DRUNK and I needed to run to TORRID on Sunday to submit my photos for the contest. What ended up happening was earlier that Saturday before I went out with Kim - I received a text message from CHRIS whom I have not heard from in about two months. He texted me mentioning he was passing by my building and thought of me. MEN !!!
I cried and got wasted.
Sunday, Jenn came over to help me take some photos for another contest as well as accompany me to Torrid in White Plains. Chris works in the TARGET there and I just didn't want to go there alone. So off I went, HUNG OVER!!! What ended up happening was while I was in Target looking for a portfolio for my photos I bumped into an old college friend and we chatted for a while. I thought of contacting Chris to see him but I did not, I decided to leave it to FATE! Right before I decided to leave Target I was feeling that nauseated feeling in my belly so I stopped to go to the restroom.
As FATE would have it as I was walking out of the bathroom looking for Jenn so we could leave CHRIS is turning one corner and we literally and I AM DEAD SERIOUS... BUMPED INTO EACH OTHER!!! MY HEART POUNDED LIKE IT NEVER POUNDED BEFORE!!!
Isn't it CRAZY how the Universe works??

Chris acted like a TOTAL JERK at first said hello and then as we parted ways he was walking in the same direction to leave of course and he caught up to me and we began to chat. I hadn't realized how STRONG I HAVE BECOME IN THESE PAST FEW MONTHS!!! THIS WAS THE TEST !!! I PASSED WITH FLYING COLORS!!

Chris basically started to flirt with me and eventually we began talking. 2 DAYS LATER... I was lying in my bed just thinking about the chain of events and my lips began to reach toward ears in this releasing SMILE... This smile of gratitude and My heart felt light as if a weight had been lifted.

I have come to realize that 1. I love CHRIS... but HE WILL NOT CHANGE... he is with someone else trying to still flirt with me (basically get in my pantes again!!!) I deserve better.. and it wasn't me...
2. I don't NEED HIM! I love me more and who wants to end up with someone that you can't TRUST.

I told him in one of our emails that I have set him FREE and That we are where we belong as FRIENDS. His Response: " You know that is NOT WHERE WE BELONG!"

So my question is where do we belong ... it seems like an out of sight out of mind thing... I can honestly SAY and WRITE This... I am FINALLY OVER IT... I have let go of the PAIN AND NOW I am moving on with my JOURNEY TO THE NEXT ACCOMPLISHMENT...

GRADUATE SCHOOL... COLUMBIA AND BARUCH.... WHICH ONE WILL IT BE??!!!!

XOXO
DAFABKRIS

As the World Turns

More $$ to burn! I am working on my Finances because I want to INVEST!! You only make money when you take risks!! Then besides this I am working on my passion. Someone wrote me something this morning and maybe this is exactly what I need to do. She is a life coach on herfuture.com and she said just start taking classes in everything that interests you. I want to do something creative but something business oriented. I don't want to draw all the time. I mean like visually creative or idea oriented creative in a media setting. Such as film, television, music. Any ideas anyone? I have an accounting back ground but I am tired of pushing paper all the time. I need balance to this life. Everything involves paper but I just don't want it to be majority of my work. I just don't know! But it will come to me!!!

HERE IS TO FINDING MY PASSION!!!

xoxo
DafabKris

Keeping It GANGSTA

I swear my headlines are catchy! My life is like a box of chocolates – you NEVER Know what you are going to get! I have no idea what I am doing or where I am going… I am just on a path. Last night I was watching 17 again; I always interpret my life through the experience of others. Mike O’donnell (Zack Efron’s character) was so upset that when he was 17 he chose his girlfriend that was pregnant over his basketball career. Basically, at the end of the movie he realized he made the right decision all along and that he just lost sight of it. Why because people always wonder WHAT IF!! They always feel the grass is greener on the other side and in turn make themselves feel miserable. Getting caught up in the EGO’s evil mind tricks! Feeling worthless when you just have to be HAPPY with what is going on NOW! I tend to lose sight of this all the time. I personally need constant reminders.

So HERE I AM FEELING BETTER! Because it is OK! I have EVERYTHING I NEED FOR THIS MOMENT. I am grateful because I am not lacking in any ONE THING!! I am fulfilled! My mind was playing tricks on me this week and I am happy to say I am out of this FUNK and realizing that perfection is in the eye of the beholder. What I see may be different from what you perceive and yes people may have more than you at any one given moment but that does not mean that you are any less than they are, just on a different wave length. My life is pretty awesome and I am EXACTLY WHERE I NEED TO BE!

The Universe has a plan for my LIFE and instead of fighting the wave I am GOING TO RIDE IT!
I am DONE WAITING ---I am MAKING THINGS HAPPEN!!!

INNER ROCKSTAR - ON HIGH

XOXO
DAFABKRIS

SNIP SNIP JUST LIKE A VISECTOMY!!

Misery Loves Company! I am so aware of this. I tend to fall into this trap all the time.
This week has been a nightmare: I have been sad, lonely, confused, angry, resentful with myself.
I try to keep it positive but I find that to be the hardest thing... STAYING POSITIVE! I listen to soooo many things to try and keep my hopes up and you know what I am my main problem. This Journey is TOUGH! I fall back into holes that I have been trying to fill since the beginning of time. Instead of just leaping over it and keeping it moving, I see it and fall right in. I need to FORGIVE MYSELF. FORGIVE MY PAST and PROGRESS with the FUTURE.
So I cut Matthew off!! Is that CRAZY? I knew from the very beginning that I did not want him.
Honestly I should be alone for the moment. This is a Journey best taken Independently!
Jillian said something to me yesterday and it hurt but it was TRUE - BC THE TRUTH TENDS TO HURT!!! - she said, "Kristina you constantly need someone up your A$$ and the moment you are left alone for 2 seconds you freak out and think NOONE wants you, like you are worthless!!! - You need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else!!!"
How TRUE IS THAT ? The need to be happy?!

So I cut off Matt and i went chasing some other dudes, when I already know that is not what I want!
What I want is to find my passion, to live and have the time of my life. FIND A MAN that will be my HUSBAND not just some around the way boy! I have big goals and HUGE DREAMS, so it is time to start FORGIVING and BEGIN MOVING AND SHAKING in the RIGHT DIRECTION!!

RELEASING LOVE AND FORGIVENESS INTO THE UNIVERSE!!!
XOXO
DAFABKRIS

THE HOLIDAYS BRING ALONG THE MOST PAIN

As I stood home on this glorious fourth of july, I had tons of time to think. On the contrary I tried not to think. I relaxed and watched the TUDORS season 2!!

For the past 5 years I have spent my holidays with Chris and his family, in the back of his house enjoying the BBQ his family has every year, with the fireworks popping in the sky along his neighborhood. The photo is of Chris and I when we first got together back in 2005. This year I remain home. I couldn't help but envision what I want my future to be. I obviously will not be back with Chris and I must say that it still hurts. I love that family feel, something that has lacked in my family ties since THE BEGINNING!!

I know what I want!!! I just still can't believe it is not going to be with HIM :(

I don't know what else to write, it just has not been a good day!!

DAFABKRIS

Travie McCoy: Billionaire [OFFICIAL VIDEO]